Well, I did it!!...I really did it!!..And I am here to tell you it was the hardest thing I have done in many mny years. I literally thought I was going to have a blackout. I paced the floor all day and cleaned my office so much I thought the staff was going to throw me out the window! I was so nervous!
I went in and set down for a minute and we talked about my weekly goals, then he asked me why I seemed so anxious. (I was shaking) I said, "Because I need to tell you something, but I need to ask you a few questions first."
I asked if he shared his notes about our sessions with my other doctors, and if he was allowed to talk to anyone about what I say in session. Then he reassured me he was not going to do that. I told him I was afraid if I told him I would get thrown out and asked him if he would do that or had he ever. He said I can't say if I don't know what for, so after a few minutes that seemed like 3 hours, I just said that I had been reading alot about tranference online, and I felt like I was having a problem with it myself about him! I told him I had fallen in love with him, he just said "Ok" then he asked my why...I told him that I wasn't sure, but him being "So damn sexy" sure wasn't helping!he said he had ran into some problems with transference before in hes sessions, and get this....he knew I was having these feelings the wholetime, but said if he had said it, I would have denied it and never been able to accept it or get help for it...I would have probably just quit coming...which is true!!
Again I asked him if I was getting dismissed from him for it, and he said no!!..Thank God!!. but he did tell me straight up that there were no mutual feelings, and he would not continue to let me see him if at anytime he felt any differently, or if I did not seem to be progressing because of my feelings!..but I felt like a boulder had been lifted off my shoulders. I couldn't believe the way we talked for the rest of the session It was awesome!!...Thank you guys for all the support!!..I could not have done it without the encouraging words that you have been sending to me everynight. I ran off th replies you have given me, and read them every chance I got today. It kept me pumped up in a positive mood...and I was able to pull it off!!!...I will write more tomorrow...I took some medication and I can barley see these keys..Thanks again! Charlotte