Charlotte,
I agree, you are NOT being lame! We've all been there. I don't have much to add to what JM and River had said, (both wise women as River mentioned although she left herself out!) except that we understand. And I know it's hard for you that your T said he wouldn't come to the hospital but 1) That's a good indication that he has good boundaries which is seriously important when dealing with transference and 2) would be a great thing to discuss with him when you go back. both how you felt about it and why he said no. I find that much of the work in therapy gets done around discussing the things that happen in my relationship with my T and my feelings about them. It's pretty uncomfortable to talk about in the beginning because we're not used to being so open with someone about how we feel about what's going on in the relationship but it gets easier with time as you see that your T accepts and understands how you feel. Take care, I hope the testing goes well.

AG