Hi, (((Kmay))). Thanks for replying. My T did say he had a busy weekend and hadn't gotten around to it yet. I knew ahead of time it was a possibility and specifically asked when I sent it that he tell me at the beginning of the session the status, so I wouldn't worry about it. I just didn't anticipate how hard it would be knowing it was hanging out there. He offered to read it then and there, but I couldn't handle being in the room while he did. As for the breathing, ibalready have counting...Read More...

Approx same age which is better than exC who was around 10 years youngerRead More...

hi kmay, its really nice to see you again! sorry for the delayed response, during the week i'm in 'functional' mode and dont check in that often. wow, i think its really courageous to do this program in groups, i hope it helps you. thanks for what you said about the time thing, i've been thinking the same, i can see myself just getting obsessive about that and not being able to do anything else. i think i need to talk to T about it to have it more in the open, so then i can focus on other...Read More...

Sorry...deletedRead More...

I went on a little vacation with my four kids this past weekend. During my 5 hour drive, there and then back, I thought about this some more. Monte, what you say makes sense. I kept thinking about what you said. Then thinking about how I deal with my children. One still says he will live with me forever. Then I thought about what my T said about telling her what I thought I wanted my own mom to tell me....that she would be there whenever I needed her. And, then of course T's reaction was...Read More...

In terms of ramifications - going through the whole process; being convicted, name in paper, having a criminal record - it was a major turning point for me. I became desperate enough to 'go to any lengths' to get better and have a different life. I hadn't been drinking at the time of my offence but had a long history of abusing alcohol - acting out how I did when 'sober' - I knew I need to never risk drinking again. I went to rehab. 3 weeks, and my life changed. I was going to AA meetings...Read More...

I stayed home today because of nearly debilitating panic knocking me out. T had time in her schedule today. I wish I could deal with this stuff better.Read More...

Thanks Mallard. Funny, but I tried everything but "share link". I'll see what I can do. Thank you for going to the trouble.Read More...

(((CD))) sounds like a good session. It can be hard to take in, but its sounds like you're starting to! Good stuff.Read More...

That fight/freeze/flee response is very powerful for me. I have even gone to the extreme of asking my T to lock the dead bolt. I have no idea if that is to keep me in the room so I don't run away or so no one else can come in when we are intensely processing information. Whatever the reason, I think it helps calm me down to some extent.Read More...

Nannabee, Thank you for your reply. It is so helpful to know I am not alone in this. I have the same dreams over and over too. Yes, the sense memories are strong too. I am working at allowing myself to know it was real too so I can work through it.Read More...

(((CD))), Thank you! I am in an outpatient center now and some of the people who are on the naltrexone are having some bad side effects so I was leary. I actually don't have specific cravings for the pills....my problem is I would ingest anything that would numb me...blah. Well I've got 28 days off of everything right now so thats good. Anyways, thank you for your response. I'm glad to be back as wellRead More...

Thanks (((liese))) and (((caroola))). I am SO GLAD I emailed her. I got a reply this morning and I hadn't realised until I felt huge relief, yhat part of me was expecting her to NOT reply - that she had made an empty promise; she disnt mean it when she said I can email her while she's on holiday... a short reply - best bit is at the end when she said 'see you at your next app Friday week". It was half a day past 2 weeks when she said it but its what I needed to hear so badly.. I hugged my...Read More...

Glad to hear it. So now you can allow yourself to feel everything you feel about it. Except guilty, I hope!Read More...

((Monte))Read More...

Hi Monte... yes T got some good stars in the book and yesterda he got a few more. Things have been good. Difficult but good. Hi Becca... I hope you had a great vacation. That is very sweet of you to want me to succeed so much in therapy. I realize that I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful T. He may not be a great T for everyone as he is challenging and tough and expects a lot but he is a great match for me. I needed someone who is strong and very clear about what he thinks. And I do...Read More...

Hi True North - Thank you so much for reading and replying to my post. As I read your reply, everything you wrote resonated with me. Thanks for putting to words what I could not. I do feel very disconnected with T1 and feel like I shouldn't. I was quite angry with him a few weeks ago, but then it transitioned to being numb. Maybe it just turned into repressed anger. I am starting to attach to T2. I only have two more sessions with her, but I am thankful for her reliability and stability. I...Read More...

First, I'm so glad you're determined not to make yourself responsible for the wrong things your family did to you. I've looked into the descriptions of attachment styles, too, as I'm a dismissive type, according to T. (otherwise known as omnipotent denial). I think you could determine better than anyone, which category most describes you, just by thinking of how you are with people. But, again, it's complex and people can be mixtures of styles.Read More...

T said to me that the reason I can't ask anyone to do anything for me is because it reminds,subconsciously, of when the answer "no" was life threatening, back when I was little and dependent on caregivers.Read More...

I just recently "confessed" my transference feelings for T. It was so scary my muscles tensed up until I was nearly paralyzed. So embarrassing knowing she was waiting for me to get up the nerve. But she was so accepting and reassuring. You mentioned your T knew you had something important on your mind you couldn't say. T is smart. I'm so glad my T kept after me in little ways, not letting me off the hook for long, but gentle about it. I'm so relieved now, as if a milestone has been reached.Read More...

(((SP))) thank you for sharing things for you also. I do believe some of it may be sexual only because I'm sharing my body (eek). I do feel safe with who I am spending my time there with and we talk extensively about likes/dislikes... I've never had such an open relationship that way. I talked with T last night and a lot of her thoughts were two fold... One was addiction. It's a chemical thing, and naturally provides a sense of comfort for me. She said she doesn't believe in cold turkey but...Read More...

hi anna, nice to see you again and i'm glad things are going well for now, although it sounds pretty painful not having the certainty of appointments with your T being so busy... i hope you continue to get the help that you need. puppetRead More...

Can so relate to this. Ugh dependence, attachment, longing, the pain. Thanks for having the courage to discuss.Read More...

Thanks for your reply, Ninn. We took a break for a while, now he would like to continue back with EMDR. But, like he says, it is always "my call" as far as what kind of modality we do in therapy. He thought getting in touch with my "parts" would be a good thing to do before the next round of EMDR, to make sure all of my parts are up to continuing EMDR. I guess the parts modality is Internal Family Systems work. That's a new modality for me, too. You know, "All Parts Welcome," as they say.Read More...

Coldplay's "Fix You" When you try your best, but you don't succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try...Read More...