My T is 3 years younger than I am but seems a lot older. Probably because I usually feel like I'm six when I'm in session with him. But most times age just doesn't seem relevant. Maybe because the gap is not that large. I may feel odd with a female T who was 20 years younger than I am though. My last T was exactly my age. Again, I felt younger.

BTW, I had/have strong attachment to both.

TN

I would only ever have a female T. My T is exactly my age.

T and I were talking about a back up T for me and unfortunately with my background and issues and complexity of things we both agree that I need an older (my age or older) T so that they have enough experience to cope with my issues Young T's just do not have the experience and skills to cope.

That was a sobering conversation to have with T.

SD

PS: TN - I always thought your T was about 20 years older than you and I. I always see him as the paternal figure / older age (even to me). Quite eye opening really to realise that the image I had in my mind from what you have said about him - puts him much older. maybe my brain converts the air of wisdom that he has - to an older age? ha ha.

My T is a male 12 years older than me. I like the age difference because it's close enough to project the romantic/erotic feelings but big enough to support a paternal feeling (which predominates our relationship these days). He's just far enough ahead of me in life to have perspective on a lot of things I've faced. Not sure how I'd feel about seeing someone younger as I am so comfortable with someone older. But I think I'd be a lot more concerned about the "chemistry" than the age difference.

AG

Well, it helps that my T sees my inner child as quite separate from me. I'm trying not to let age difference get in my way, as it's been very long and difficult a journey to finally trust T with my transference. I've had a lot of experience with other therapy and never gotten as far as now. Sometimes I wish we could do the Freudian thing and have me on a couch while T faces the other way.

My past T's have been 15 to 20 years older than myself; however, my current T is exactly one week younger than me. I thought his age was going to be a problem, but now I don't even think about it. I do think of him as being older than myself. Probably because of the pedistal that I tend to put him on, even though I know he puts his pants on one leg at a time like I do. He just always seems to have the right answers and suggestions and I sit there mumbling and fumbling half the time. Probably has something to do with it....

LJB

My T is 30 years older than me, older than both my parents, who had me when they were 26 and 23. There are some ways I connect with him that are very paternal and the age difference does facilitate that. But, there are some ways (like when discussing being in a band or other things we've both been actively involved in), where it can sometimes feel more peer-like. Because of that, I think I could probably work with a T that was a bit younger than me (though not too much younger, as they wouldn't have much experience in that case). From experience, I know I wouldn't get quite so much paternal transference with a younger T, but (also from experience in non-T relationships), I know they could still be very helpful to me and I could form a different "flavor" of attachment with them over time.

I can't imagine going anything more than five years younger than me, though. That would put someone in their late 20s, and younger than that would be, most likely, pretty recently out of school (which might be OK, but still, I hesitate, because I'm...complicated) or just without a lot of life experience to where I feel like my experiences would be easily understood. I'm not saying there is no one out there mature and intuitive enough to handle it...just that it might be a rare find for a good fit.

Hi Sky,

My regular T is 5 years older than me. He is very open and willing to do things outside the box to help me and I think his age plays a part in that.

My back-up T is 30 years older than me. Her experience and wisdom in life is definitely an asset in therapy, but she's also less relational.


PF

My T. is 5 years younger. It works for me, but I think it would be strange to have someone a lot younger than me.

Approx same age which is better than exC who was around 10 years younger