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Hi Everyone, I'm really struggling and in a lot of pain. Pain from attachment issues and not being able to get my needs met. As many of you know it is a very tough road.

I've been doing a lot of work in this area, and trying really hard to take care of the inner child, having compassion for her, etc. Talking to her, tending to her and so forth.

I'm in tremendous pain. I've discussed this with T. T. knows how bad I'm struggling.

My question for you is... how much pain is too much in therapy? And, what does that mean? I guess I'm wondering if we are going too fast, or do I need different support, or additional type of therapy, group support.

Then in asking that question, maybe I'm still just trying to find some sort of way of getting my inner child needs met. Like my T. can't or won't give it to me, then maybe I need unconsciously to find another way. I'm not sure.

What I do know is that the pain is excruciating. My T knows this. She's been helpful, but it's not changing. It's so bad that I'm having some very negative thought patterns, today feel empty, done. Done, like I can't do this work anymore. I can't do therapy anymore because it is too painful.

1. So, how much pain is too much?
2. How do I get through this? My coping skills are not working.

Please help me.
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(((RM))) I'm not in a great place today, so I feel like my advice is not worth much, but I can provide solidarity.

Sometimes I feel like I have to make a list of coping skills when I am feeling halfway decent, then refer back to them, because if I try to come up with them while I'm hurting it sometimes feels impossible to come up with.

I've always sort of viewed therapy in the same light as exercise... you know when you're working a muscle it's going to be really uncomfortable, but if that muscle starts screaming in agony then you may need to adjust the approach, if that makes any sense...

It seems like whatever amount of self compassion you can muster really will go a long way. I know it's very difficult to find that, but trying to at least treat yourself kindly, even if it feels strange to do so.

And it seems like reaching out to connect with others when it's most intense is pretty important too. So I'd say do that as much as you can.

I'm sorry it's so tough
I wish so much your inner child could get all the care she needs, as I have one, too. But I will admit that it helps me deal with excess pain to get red-faced angry. I beat on a stack of newspapers and yell and cuss and really get into the rage. That does give me some long-lasting relief, even tho I know it's just loving care my inner child is wanting from my T. The anger is at least strengthening, tho I don't take it out on T.
It seems like whatever amount of self compassion you can muster really will go a long way. I know it's very difficult to find that, but trying to at least treat yourself kindly, even if it feels strange to do so.

I had a really bad spot in therapy a few months ago where I thought the pain would literally undo me. Slowing down in therapy and increasing my relaxation time at home really helped. Turns out I needed to practice some serious self-nurturing. It's hard when you have so many responsibilities: kids, job, husband, pets, etc. But sometimes sh*t just needs to go on the back burner for a bit. Leave the dishes in the sink and read a book. Take a bath. Order Chinese takeout for dinner. Sleep with a stuffed animal. Go outside and look at plants. Paint. Whatever soothes the nerves. Whenever the intensity becomes overwhelming, I go to session and talk about poetry or something. Usually, that's all I need to get back on track.

Hope you feel better soon, RM.
When it gets really bad for me, my T will usually change up the modality we are working with and try something new for a while and then come back to it, later. Sometimes EMDR gets way too intense for me and he'll change it up with Family Constellation Work, or Internal Family Systems work, or just talk therapy to get me back and grounded. Fortunately, he has a lot of tools in his toolbox. So, changing the modality may help? I don't know. It's just a suggestion. Good Luck with your ongoing treatment.

Another session and I thought I would explode. Well, I sort of did and I yelled for her to stop several times in a row. T. stopped and came over to me and told me she was stopping. I'm very upset. I told her prior to the session how bad I've been hurting and she pushed so hard to my breaking point. I am still a mess from it.

Any ideas?

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