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Ever since I can remember, at times when I was in abusive situations I would pick some song that I know (not the same one each time, usually the most recent song I've heard) and I would get it stuck in my head.

And by stuck in my head I mean, I would hear it over and over and especially the lyrics would repeat over and over until focusing on it drowned out everything else, especially whatever feelings I was trying to avoid in that moment.

Now when I am very stressed or anxious or in pain, the same thing happens, and I can't stop it. It drives me crazy because it's so hard for me to focus on anything when it happens. But I'm pretty sure it is an old defense mechanism kicking in and trying to drown out my feelings.

Has this happened to anyone else? Or something similar? Am I just weird?

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Hi Armored, i think it is dissociation indeed. It's a clear defense mechanism. Did u start doing this in childhood? When i dissociate, mostly in therapy now because it's where i re-live past memories, my eyes get glued to ny pattern on the carpet or the ceiling, or the cushion, or even patterns on my own clothes. Then my eyes follow the pattern, i imagine im painting it, tracing it with a pencil or something alike. That's what i do and i kmow it's dissociation, so are we weird? I think it's our psyche adapting to what we perceive as a threat (because it really used to be one). And our brain gives out the order to music to start playing or for eye to follow the patterns. I think that it's quite creative actually Smiler Stray strong, you are not alone.

Nice to meet you!
It always amazes me when I find posts here and read someone articulate the exact same feelings I experience. I do remember the song thing starting when I was a kid. I do the following a pattern with your eyes thing too! I catch myself doing that often. And I really do it a lot in therapy sessions.

I think the song being stuck in my head is happening so much lately because I am without a T at the moment, and scheduled to meet a new one on the 23rd. It feels like all my emotions are shut down until I get to a safe place to let them out.

Thanks for the support Smiler
Thanks for the nice Welcome Smiler i havent properly introduced myself anywhere because i cant seem to be able to post new discussion or add people or pm Shrinklady.. Aaah!! But in the meantime, im here encountering ppl and yes, relating to so many stories!
I wish u the best for your new T, hopefully u'll get a good connection. Up until then, yes i can see how it can be difficult and everything takes you a little more on the edge. Just a thought, have you tried singing the song outloud, like trying to take it as if it was a normal song, not your coping mechanism, sing it outloud once, maybe it will take the edge off and will drift away from your brain? You know now that i think about this, i just remembered that similar thing happens to me in extreme break down moments. I play violin, and what i hear is a Hitchcock like violin sound going in crescendo, louder and louder, and when that hits me, it doesnt stop until i go numb. Kinda weird and cheesy, but that's really what happens to me.
Anyhow. Our brains are powerful. And our coping mecanisms useful, until they harm us more than they help us.
Take care! Bedtime for me! (Eastern timeWink

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