How can being heard help me to change?

I am feeling sad after my session today. I didn't know what to talk about. My T asked me what I have been doing about my recently injured knee. Last time we talked about it I felt like he was blaming me for the way my doctors have basically told me to lose weight to solve my joint problems and asthma which means basically there is nothing I can do because I can't lose weight. I feel guilty and ashamed that I can't control my eating. I know that losing weight would improve my health in many ways but it doesn't change what I do. Today my T told me he didn't blame for my weight and eating or for the way I blame myself and I believe him. However, I don't think it matters if he blames me or not. I blame myself. Talking to my T about it brings all my shame and disgust towards myself up so I can't ignore it. My T wants me to talk more about my feelings, how blaming myself affects my life, where and when does it hurt. He says that being heard when I talk about my pain will do something but I don't see how it can. I feel so disgusting when I just start to talk about how I feel it seems so some horrible torture to try and continue. I just want to stop feeling the way I do, I don't want to have to describe it to someone else.
Original Post
Hi Cogs... I struggle with many of the same issues and have the same questions. I don't have an answer but I'm sending because I do understand how you feel. I've been told that in being heard and feeling better about things is where the magic happens in therapy that is impossible to explain or put into words.

I'm sorry it's been so difficult for you.

TN
quote:
For me it has been a matter of learning how to speak from that inner place and in the process telling my angry, ridiculing and cynical other self to butt out and allow the care to be absorbed. It started as an act of will, now it is happening with a little less effort.


Wow, this really resonates with me right now. I hope I'll learn to do that too. My T said today I should try and realise which part of me is talking when... I am beginning to acknowledge that negative part more but it is hard to differentiate because it seems so much who I actually am, rather than just a meddling, unhelpful part.
quote:
Originally posted by incognito:
My T wants me to talk more about my feelings, how blaming myself affects my life, where and when does it hurt. He says that being heard when I talk about my pain will do something but I don't see how it can. I feel so disgusting when I just start to talk about how I feel it seems so some horrible torture to try and continue. I just want to stop feeling the way I do, I don't want to have to describe it to someone else.




I understand these feelings; been there, done that, got a wardrobe full of t-shirts, about to go on a shopping spree again, etc.

The way I understand it, and I'm not saying that I particularly do or can when it's me (Wink) is that these are parts of ourselves that we find so horrible, so shameful, that we cannot tolerate them. They come from a place of real pain.

What I wrote recently in my journal:

"I feel calmer again. Like maybe because I saw you tolerating me it means I can tolerate myself a little more."

I have been feeling really terrible recently. Real trauma responses. And yet, she still sits there and bears it with me (sometimes for me). I think having someone see it and not berate us like we do ourselves, just accepting it (and sometimes challenging it), can help us to internalise that, can help us to tolerate it ourselves and show ourselves the same care and compassion that they show us. It is painful, horribly so. But I think that's how it helps, because hearing it is accepting it and not judging it, and bearing witness to it when we can't because we are clouded by shame and rage and judgement towards ourselves.

Hope that makes some sense. Smiler

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