kmay... I am feeling exactly the same way today. I was just in the ladies room feeling sick to my stomach about today. I have to leave in ten minutes. Had a disruption with T on Thursday. Not feeling good about seeing him today. I'd prefer to just run away.
Sorry I have no answer for you except to try to tell her how you felt when coming to see her. Let us know how it goes.
Session actually went well. It was a mellow one so that was nice. We talked about how my week was and where I am with my emotions. Right now, I am feeling a ton of anger T says that is good to a certain extent b/c it allows me to speak up. But also to be careful b/c people numb with it as well. We talked about healthy coping mechanisms. We talked about an incident that happened a few weeks ago to me that made T so mad, she started crying when talking about it While seeing her cry makes me sad, and makes me ashamed that she had to hear/see what happened, it also drives me to want to address it with the person just out of sheer "protection" for her feelings, if that makes any sense...anger driving me I guess. So overall, it was good.
But here's the thing...every time I leave session, no matter what we talked about, I have this weird feeling take over me, that I can only describe as....guilt? Fear? It feels like each time I see her, I am getting more and more attached to her and that it is a bad thing. No matter how deep or light the session was, I feel like I just made a huge mistake in talking/sharing with her. So if I see her on say, a Friday, then I feel that way until about Monday, and then I slowly start to feel normal again, and then I feel totally fine by Wednesday and then on Thursday I feel sick about seeing her again on Friday. I like the feeling of being totally ok and so it makes me believe that maybe its better off that I am not in therapy. Does that make any sense?
TN, I hope things went well for you. Update us if you feel up to it.
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