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I know that you posted several months ago. I just wanted to see how you were doing? I am struggling with similar feelings with my T only she is also female which adds some complexity to it for me. I understand what you mean by intense feelings and I keep trying to work through it but it is sooo hard. I was hoping maybe you would have some encouraging news to share.
Hi AG! I had to choose "Just Me" since you already have Attachment Girl. SmilerLOL! (JK)
Anyway thanks for the reply. It sounds like you are really on your way to a geat healing experience.
It is hard and a lot work, but I am realizing it is so worth it. It is great to have a wonderful T. I love mine too and I am becoming more and more comfortable w/ her as we continue to explore my feelings. But I am experiencing extreme (maybe even obsessive) attachment issues w/ her as well and afraid of abandoment and rejection for having such childish feelings and behaviors. I am 42 yrs old I get so embarrassed by them, but she is so stable and understanding through it all.
I did read In Session and that is what catapulted me into being able to express myself to my T more openly. We had talked a/b my transference but I just could not understand it. Deborah's book gave me the courage to confront her honestly and openly but it has been a slow process for me. Yesterday when I posted I was having separation issues and wanting to be near her even though I knew I would be seeing her today. She is no where old enough to be my mother but she does have some great maternal qualities that I do connect with. I am expressing myself to her more and more and I know I will continue to resolve old issues. The part a/b her being a woman that made my situation FEEL more complicated is that I have had an attraction to her. That is how my transference first manifested itself. It has shifted to mostly maternal. It was so hard to deal w/ the sexual attraction b/c she is female and I thought "Wait a minute, I'm not a Lesbian!" She was very gentle in accepting my confession when I finally related it to her.
I love how you related that you "never really felt secure being angry, and it was good to be able to express it and have him stick around. But he also didn't change his behavior just because I got angry which makes me feel safe." How true, I feel the same way w/ my T.
I am glad I found this site. I also like Robin Shapiro's website (blog) from a Therapist's point of view. Have you seen it?
Thanks again for replying.
I feel for you w/ your T being on 2 week vacation. I have a hard time when my T goes out of town which she does considerably for short 2-3 days. I will be going on vacation for 2 weeks in August and am already worried about missing her. (shaking head) -SIGH! You're right it is an experience and I am appreciating that more and more. I love the healing, I really do. I remember when I first started Therapy I told her that I would never be one of those "therapy junkies" and that I will work at whatever I need to work on and will be merrilly on my way in a very short time. 2 yrs later I am one of those "junkies" who call her v.m. just to hear her voice for soothing and I keep one of her business cards in my wallet at all times as a security blanket. LOL!
Hang in there. Your T will be back soon.
P.S. BTW: You are the first person to ever call me "perfectly normal." LOL!
Thanks JM, I'm actually doing a little better, down to 5 days! Not like I'm counting or anything. And please, 2 years, you're short term! I've been off and on for the last 17 years (I did take some breaks). And I relate to the business card, my T actually uses his business card for appointment cards, so I get one each session. I have one in my wallet, one on my desk at work and one as a bookmark. Embarrassing, but true!

And as for the perfectly normal, you should probably consider the source. Big Grin


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