Anyway thanks for the reply. It sounds like you are really on your way to a geat healing experience.
It is hard and a lot work, but I am realizing it is so worth it. It is great to have a wonderful T. I love mine too and I am becoming more and more comfortable w/ her as we continue to explore my feelings. But I am experiencing extreme (maybe even obsessive) attachment issues w/ her as well and afraid of abandoment and rejection for having such childish feelings and behaviors. I am 42 yrs old I get so embarrassed by them, but she is so stable and understanding through it all.
I did read In Session and that is what catapulted me into being able to express myself to my T more openly. We had talked a/b my transference but I just could not understand it. Deborah's book gave me the courage to confront her honestly and openly but it has been a slow process for me. Yesterday when I posted I was having separation issues and wanting to be near her even though I knew I would be seeing her today. She is no where old enough to be my mother but she does have some great maternal qualities that I do connect with. I am expressing myself to her more and more and I know I will continue to resolve old issues. The part a/b her being a woman that made my situation FEEL more complicated is that I have had an attraction to her. That is how my transference first manifested itself. It has shifted to mostly maternal. It was so hard to deal w/ the sexual attraction b/c she is female and I thought "Wait a minute, I'm not a Lesbian!" She was very gentle in accepting my confession when I finally related it to her.
I love how you related that you "never really felt secure being angry, and it was good to be able to express it and have him stick around. But he also didn't change his behavior just because I got angry which makes me feel safe." How true, I feel the same way w/ my T.
I am glad I found this site. I also like Robin Shapiro's website (blog) from a Therapist's point of view. Have you seen it?
Thanks again for replying.