(((Ms. Control)))

I just want to echo what others have said here. Although you felt a great connection to your first T, he was not experienced enough to deal with transference/attachment issues. My T specializes in trauma and has 40 years experience in the field. I have no doubt that's why he handles my feelings so well. I think anyone else would run away screaming. My T has assured me countless times that what I'm feeling is NORMAL and UNDERSTANDABLE. A T that is adequately equipped to handle your issues will not make you feel like a failure.

What you have is disorganized attachment. You so desperately want that warm, reassuring connection with a caregiver, but are terrified of getting close because they might hurt or abandon you. This does not make you a failure. This makes you a trauma survivor. And that's ok. But it is pain and fear that you're going to have to push through in order to establish a healthy T relationship.

Do what the others have suggested: call around, research, interview, and don't settle for another grad student.