(((MC))) So many of your feelings and what you are struggling with and even your taking all the blame are very common responses for people who suffered long term childhood trauma.

There is nothing wrong with you to make you unloveable or unwanted (you seem quite lovely based on interactions here), the fault lay in your caregiver's failing to give you want you needed. And the sad truth is that even that had nothing to do with us. It was about them failing to manage their own issues enough to be present and give to their children. But as children we need our parents to remain "good" so we can feel safe AND we want to have some sense of control in a situation in which we are actually powerless, so we blame ourselves. After all, if something is wrong with me, then I can fix it and everything will be good, right?

I totally agree with TN, the kinds of difficulties that arise in the work with a trauma victim (btw, do not read that as you being difficult, its the material that is difficult to deal with) are such that unless a person is extremely gifted, a young therapist still in training is probably going to get overwhelmed.

I have also never know a trauma victim who did not require long term therapy. So seeing someone that is time-limited from the beginning (as happens with someone in a training/teaching situation) can be troublesome because part of what needs to be healed is knowing that you can trust and depend on someone to be there.

So of course, your Ts leaving is going to evoke these feelings of abandonment and being unworthy because you didn't have enough time to work through them and understand.

I know the feelings are really strong, so much so that they feel like they must be the truth, but it's clear from an outside perspective that you did not fail.

AG