Hi Ms. Control, I really do not believe it was you that was the issue. I believe what happened was because you were seeing T's that are not adequately trained and/or do not have experience in depth psychotherapy which is WAY different than a "counseling" relationship or CBT therapy.

I truly believe it takes an experienced and well trained T (who had done their own work) to work with trauma survivors and those with attachment injury. Inexperienced T's are not familiar with the intense feelings and reactions that take place in this kind of therapy and they have no experience with the "process" and the importance of the relationship itself. My T firmly believes that without the relationship, it's almost impossible to fully heal from trauma and abuse. When inexperienced T's come face to face with the intense feelings generated from the relationship they tend to get scared and think they have done something wrong to cause this. What they are unaware of is this is supposed to happen and it happens almost naturally when the "fit" between patient and T is right. This is the whole point.

The only thing I can tell you is to persevere in finding the right T for you but you need to look in the right places. Your best bet would be to seek out a T experienced in trauma and abuse and who has some knowledge of attachment and how that works and who encourages the relationship between client and T and is not afraid of it.

I was abandoned by my first T. Then when I went searching for a new T I saw 4 before staying with my current T (#5). One of the others I had seen betrayed me badly with oldT and I left her immediately. She was not going to get a second chance to hurt me. I knew my current T was the right T for me when during an introductory initial ten minute phone call he told me attachment was good and healthy and supposed to happen.

Keep looking and don't settle for anything less that what meets your requirements for the T that will help you heal.

TN