thanks for your input, (((BLT))). your parts of dependency make sense to me. based on your theory, i struggle with both. the feeling part is hell. i was just thinking today that when i'm not in T i WANT to be in T, and when i'm in T i'd rather be on the other side of the world eating chocolate-chip ice cream with muff and the other kiwis here. these contradictory feelings are what rip me apart inside. it really is difficult.

and i guess that ties in with the ACTUAL dependency, too. i can "live" my life without T, but i obsess about him alot! and yes, negative coping mechanisms ... i'm enjoying a coffee mug full of one right now. so, if i understand you right, i can't move away from my coffee mug until after i have developed better self-regulation, emotional tolerance, and coping skills in T? or, i can't move away from the dependence until after i've developed these things? i hope you're still around, BLT. i do appreciate your input.

hi, cat. so you believe that bringing the comforting presence of your T to mind in stressful situations is a form of dependency. that makes me wonder about myself, as he seems to be on my mind any time at all. oh, what you said about being vulnerable and feeling inadequate about your self resources is totally what i was feeling for most of my last session. and i virtually rejected and ran away (again ).

i'm really glad that you are at the point in your therapy that you are brave and confident enough in yourself that you are able to do so. that's very inspirational to me. maybe someday i'll get there. thanks for thoughts on this, (((cat))).