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Reply to "what does dependency on your T mean?"

Stoppers,
That wasn't meant as a criticism at all. I know other people who do not like Burgo, I myself don't agree with everything he says. But I do find when he writes on this topic, and the article Muff quoted was a good example, what he is saying lines up very closely with what I experienced in my own healing. I do not believe everyone needs to do this to heal or has to go through a period of dependency with their therapist. Just that if you do, Burgo does a good job of explaining it.

In my particular case, I was struggling with a deep fear of intimacy, holding everyone off at a certain distance which proved to be a place in which I could not get my needs met. Needs which were pressing on me pretty strongly. The solution for me turned out to be using the safety of the therapeutic relationship to learn to view relationships differently than my experience had taught me to view them. Since my bad experiences happened at such a young age, I had to go back and dig pretty deeply to repair them, to a time when I was naturally and rightfully dependent on my caregivers. While I do not believe that a therapist is a replacement parent or will love you in the same way a parent does, from a developmental point of view I believe they can act as a parental figure so you can learn how to do the things that can only be learned implicitly, in the presence of a someone who already has the skill. I think my healing has required me to allow my T to be a MUCH more significant figure in my life than most people would want. While I am often quite grateful that he has taken on that role, it also highlights the grief that this is the closest I can come to having a loving parent. It doesn't make the loss and pain of not having that go away, but it has allowed me to heal enough to get what I need going forward.

But I truly am speaking only of my experience, knowing it isn't going to transfer or be necessary for everyone. But for someone struggling with these issues, Burgo rings true for me.

He obviously doesn't for you and I hate being treated with contempt or condescension so I can see where you would not like someone you perceived was acting that way. I am sorry if you felt attacked or criticized by me.

AG
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