quote:

the dependency i'm referring to is the obsessive thoughts i have about him and therapy, which i have mentioned to T. for those of you that consider yourselves dependent on your T, how does that manifest?

I am dependent on my T, I dislike the idea of it, but I am. Dependency for me has meant... I use my T as an anchor. When I'm upset, it calms me to be in contact with my T (most times). During anxiety attacks, crisis, or times I'm worried about T relationally it makes it easier to get through bringing her 'presence' to mind. So, to me that is dependency and my T and I have sort of discussed that... that I may need her more. It's easy to reject and run away from because it is such a vulnerable position, and does make me feel inadequate about my self resources. My T did say either last session or the one before that I do utilize her as a 'tool' in my toolbox, and that I know when it will be effective and seek out what is there. It helped me feel a little less needy... but not really. Right now I seek her out more than usual because I'm learning being safe with just myself, etc. I need someone to go through this stuff with me, and right now she's that person and I do depend on our strong alliance to get me there.

I don't know how I knew I was 'dependent' outside of her telling me I was, and then on reflection... she was right. I'm not sure if thinking about T meant dependency for me - I thought about her and therapy much more when I had negative transference than I do now. I think it's possible to be obsessed without being dependent. I think obsession indicates other (attachment, or something else) issues in many cases.

Anyway! That's what it means to me