I am so glad that he wrote back Beebers, you really needed to hear that affirmation from him. I hope that you might be able to hear what he said, understand it and realise that the words are true - you are not bad in any way shape or form. I think he is right, you need to someone in the flesh, face to face, a real person that can be alongside you, like dear CowboyT.
I am so glad you got that all important closure Beebers, well done for writing to gain that in the first place
starfishy