Reply to "Ups and Downs- updated- session"

blackbirdMember

(((((((((LL, TN, ND, SD and Starfish))))))

((((((and everyone else who responded before, or read on this thread))))

Thank you for the support and understanding...it really helps, and thanks for the unfailing patience as I keep "revving my tires" trying to get out of the mud.

My biggest problem right now seems to be trying to reconcile the "goodT/badT" split. I need to keep an image of his as a good T and a kind T, if I want to be in touch with my emotional self...but I need to keep an image of his as a bad T and a manipulative even "evil" T in order to not completely fall apart. I seem to keep hovering on the precipice of this dichotomy, madly attempting to find some kind of balance... so I'm mad at T one day, and googling him to find pictures and missing him like crazy the next.

It's getting tiring. Maybe my increased med doage will balance me out, and I'll be able to go back to living my life. yarg.

Much love, wishing all of you peace,

BB

10/15/119:16 AM

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