((((SG and LL)))) thanks you two...SG, I'm sorry those old feelings are still problematic, and painful. I hope that you will find means to work through it so that you can let that grief inside go in peace. You deserve to heal and while you will always love the old BF, I still hope that you will be able to love without it hurting you inside so much anymore. ((((((SG))))) Keep talking about it, like others keep telling me to do.

LLthanks you- yeah I realized that I wiped the poll results out but I figured I would just add whatever new ones may come along to what was there before. I thought I'd better put the trigger warning, I had forgotten how badly it can trigger people to hear about endings. The general consensus seems to be that I don't re-contact, and it's just helpful to have the perspectives being offered here, on it. LL, I actually did send him a very long closure email just before my break, with tons of questions and my perspectives and feelings on things he had done/not done that were confusing to me. He sent me a very nice response that was reassuring me that he was not going to try to get rid of me, and that he was sad that I continually misread his statements to mean that is what he is trying to do.

He said there were many other things in the email that he needed to respond to, but that he would not have time to do that for three weeks since he was "tightly booked" and responding would take one to two hours. Since I had told him that I require a response, and said I would like to pay for his time- I assumed that means he wouldn't be available for our newly established weekly sessions, which I had made very clear that I needed, and which he agreed to, but then...in two months time, failed to provide that consistently for me. So when he said "tightly booked for three weeks" it confirmed my decision to take a break, since clearly, he had filled in his time slots with all his other clients, but failed to keep a spot consistently available for me- even though he had promised to do so. Does that make sense? So, in some sense, I am still waiting for a more detailed response to that email from months ago, that went through all of my issues with him...the other thing is that, he immediately removed me from his Skype list ( I know because I used to be able to see his light come on, but from that day forward it was permanently off) and sent his final bill to my H. It was like a really clear message, even though- his last email said just exactly the opposite.

I'm talking and I can't shut up.

I miss him...because it was just left so open-ended, I can't stop thinking about it, or wondering just, if something terrible happened to him.