quote:I spent an awful lot of time and energy trying to make sense of what happened, going back and forth from his being an awful T who deliberately hurt me, to his being a great T and I must have failed horribly.
Yeah, that is where I'm caught right now. When I think of him as a great T, I miss him so much and Ican barely stand it. I can manage the permanent nature of the separation only when I think of him as a terrible T- which I know for a fact that he is not.
I think this homework assignment that I have, to think about what it is that I miss the most, is really bringing out all these old longings for T that I put away. I found a picture of him online that just took my breath away, because there he looked so kind and fatherly, just like I remember him, and I miss that sense of being cared about by him, rather than cut off and non-existent in his world. Thank you for understanding, and letting me talk it out on here, you guys.
hugs,
BB