Stuck - What I mean by "connect" is not knowledge, really. I know exactly what my transference feelings are about. Often, I can point out exactly what specific things T says or does to trigger them. I can give him a list of incidents that were similar in my past. But, if you asked me if I felt anything about those things that happened in the past, nope! I don't feel hurt/upset/angry that my dad was in and out of my life, in an out-of-sight-out-of-mind sort of way. The most I can remember about being told that my step-mom was "done raising kids" and I wasn't welcome to live with my dad is confusion and surrendering to that reality. The feelings I remember about my mom's abuse and neglect are feelings of pride for being "better" and sacrificing for the benefit of my family. So, I'm hoping that if my feelings of abandonment, fear, etc. can feel like they are ABOUT those past events, I will be less afraid of losing my T. Right now, I intellectually know they're not about him, but they FEEL about him anyway. Also, some of the stuff is so far back that I can't remember it. Mom left me alone in cribs/playpens for hours, sometimes crying the whole time, according to other family members. My parents split when I was one for a couple of years (and then they were off and on), so my dad disappeared on me quite a bit before my earliest memories. So, whatever injuries are related to that infant/toddler era, I'm not sure I can do much about...but I am hopeful! I guess if it doesn't get better after a period of time, I'll just have to give it up and endure the "abandonment" again.