I was also wondering why you and your T would think it was for your own good to terminate your individual therapy with her.. I can understand the temptation to think your wife will be suspicious when you go to sessions- however if it is explained to her clearly, that it is a therapeutic necessity to experience the transference- and if your T works that way, then it shouldn't be a problem. No less pain for you- but at least you'd have a chance to work through your transference with the T you are having it with.

My H knows about my transference, and he sees the pain I am in and is supportive to me in that vulnerable place- when I can show it to him, which is hard- even though- he knows about that my feelings for T are stronger (currently) than for him- he also understands that the feelings are from the past (thus their terrible intensity) and not about the present- and will not be acted upon. I've explained to him and he understands (better than my T does, apparently ) that it is a natural part of therapy, and that it almost has to happen. So he actually comforts me when I am able to let him, in the middle of the transference pain. There are times when it has brought us closer together because it opens my heart and he sees my pain, and then I can feel his love. I think the same might happen for you, if you let your wife see your pain. My own H is probably nervous to sign up for individual therapy himself because he sees the agony I am in sometimes and is afraid it will happen like that to him. As long as your T can keep her boundaries securely in place, it is normal and acceptable to continue. But- you know the best, your situation, so this is just outsider feedback, use it only if it is helpful to you, of course.

I'm glad you have another T to help and to turn to, in any case. I'm so sorry that this has transpired, SBR..I would send the email, if you can't talk to her about it in session.

BB