Stuck - I'm new to the forum, so I don't know your nickname, but I did read your posts when I was browsing this thread after I first joined. I'm glad you were able to tell your T about the transference feelings. I think without it out in the open, nothing can really be worked through. H and I see the same T, but not for marital, but sometimes information cross-pollinates, so I can understand how hard it must be to have to share your attachment with your wife. In my case, my transference isn't really erotic, so it isn't quite so hard to share with H. But, he doesn't get it, really at all, and can be very judgmental about it, non-supportive, so I can understand how daunting that is. Therapy has really crashed my ability to be the type of wife and mom I want to be, so I can understand those feelings too. I don't have much advice to offer, except that your caring about what type of husband and dad you are means a lot. No one can ever "nail" the mark when it comes to relationships, but caring enough to keep trying even when we fail is something. It's a lot better than either of my parents offered me. I don't know your background, so I can't say if that is the same for you. I will share with you that my H has shared a lot of uncomfortable feelings of being attracted to other women, both sexually and relationally...other women I am very close to. It IS hard, but it is not beyond my ability to accept and forgive, because his honesty means it is not something he wants for our relationship. It is something he is trying to move through. He wants to have those feelings for me instead. I'm hoping your wife, who is in therapy with you because she wants to make things work (I would think?), can see your honesty as a form of intimacy with her and a way of trying to get at that man who you want to be, the husband and dad you want to be.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I'm glad you shared here. Keep us up-to-date as you progress. Transference feelings can be so overwhelming and I have found such support here to process them, personally.