Hello all,

I haven't posted anything in a few months. I hope all of you are doing well or at least moving forward. To refresh you, I have been going to marriage counseling with my wife for 2 years now. Last fall, I developed some serious transference feelings for my couples therapist. She met with me many times on an individual basis to help me work out some negative feelings I was having. She actually did a great job and changed my entire outlook on life. But because my wife is somewhat unsupportive, ok, she is very unsupportive in every way, my therapist became who I leaned on for support.

As the transference grew stronger, I knew I had to do something about it so I sought out a different individual therapist. He was a big help. I already knew what was going on with me because of sights like this one, so he didn't really have much info. to offer. But it was so nice to be able to just get the words out. I stopped going to him in late Feb. He had encouraged me to tell my couples therapist my feelings. It took me a month to prepare and after 2 months of not talking about it, I felt like I needed to say something. So last week I finally told her.

She was great. She was completely supportive and a total professional. However, because she is our couple’s therapist, my wife has to know everything that my therapist knows. Also, my wife has seen me completely break down. She also knows that I was going to an individual therapist other than our couples therapist. So my wife is waiting for an answer anyway. So on top of everything, I'm now preparing to tell my wife.

The week after I told my therapist about the transference was hard, but not as hard as it was dealing with it alone a few months ago. Yesterday I actually woke up feeling good about things. I thought maybe things were getting better. But something happened last night where I feel like I took 50 steps back. I couldn't get my couples therapist out of my head and was overwhelmed with despair. I'm feeling so sad now and I don't understand why I seem to have gone backwards.

This really really sucks. When I get this down and the transference takes over, I withdraw from my family. I’m rude and short with my wife and I don’t have any tolerance for my 2 wonderful boys. My boys don’t deserve to be ignored by their father. Also, I feel like I keep having to start over.