We kinda cross-posted- SBR-
I just want to say, that if you have to leave work because you are hurting so bad over your T (and trust me, I have been and am often, there), then it seems like things really are getting to a point where you need to talk, and badly. And if the stability of your marriage feels like it is all on your shoulders, that is doubly hard, a burden very difficult to bear...is your wife depressed? I just ask because I am in a marriage where, I am able to cognitively recognize the great difficulty my husband has because I am depressive, but I am emotionally unable to do a thing about it! He has no idea of how badly I feel for him deep down inside, or how much I long for him to be able to connect with me, and to help me, as I deeply long to be able to help and connect with him! It is awful. I just wonder if your situation is similar...I know my h feels like he is carrying the marriage- he thinks I do not care about him at all, and I know this...and I think he does not care about me. and he is convinced that he is the glue that holds it all together. But I feel like I am dying without his emotional support and I don't know how to ask him for what I need from him...which is basically compassion and tenderness, and forgiveness for my deep failings, especially in the area of physical love. I'll bet your wife feels the same. I guess I have tried to give him what I needed, and he has tried to give me what he needed! And it didn't work. I wonder if what you get from your T is what you really need to learn to ask for, in some way, from your wife? and give your wife what you would like to give your T? Maybe. Might be a simplistic answer...?? but maybe. If not, just disregard!
My T and I work with this kind of thought...maybe yours is different, and that is ok too. I hope the T you are consult with is helping with your situation, which sounds so awfully painful. BB