) I just wanted to say hi, because I'm dealing with intense transference with my T for a couple of years now, and we are just now moving into marriage counseling- now adding my husband to the mix. It's really agony, isn't it. I'm sorry you are in so much pain, but it does no make you wrong or bad, it's a normal reaction to feeling understood and accepted by your therapist. If we are in a problematic marriage (which I assume like myself you must be or your wouldn't be getting marriage counseling... 
good for you-) then it makes the reaction and pain that you feel much worse, in my opinion. My personal belief is that if your therapist is a good one who understands transference issues and works within that framework, and also has good enough boundaries (will not use you to gratify her needs in any way, but will keep the relationship professional, which will be *very* painful for you to endure) then you could ask for an individual session with her, and tell her of your struggles. Doing this would probably be the most difficult thing you have ever done... I'm sure you know all the reasons/and risks involved in such a confession of love. However- I want to comment on one thing:quote:I have become so heart broken over this. I feel like I can not love my wife as long as I have such intense feelings for somebody else. I have also lost a grip on the dividing line between fantasy and reality. I used to know that I had no future with my T. Now I want to convince her to leave her happy marriage and risk the job she loves to be with me. I know this is not possible. But the thought of her not in my life is too painful.
Having these feelings does not mean neccessarily that you do not love your wife. It is just an agonizing thing that must be dealt with or you will potentially not get anywhere in therapy. As people on here like to say, there is no way through this trial of fire but straight through- does it feel like you can't go back? Then plow straight through, and endure the pain as best you can. My therapist knows about my feelings for him. My husband does too, although to protect my h's feelings I havn't revealed the more romantic side of it, and have just told him that it feels like I want my T to "be my father," that I get angry and can't trust him, that I alternately love him, and that the feelings are extremely painful and confusing in dealing with. You probably have some idea that your feelings are related back to your childhood, old pain, and possibly your current needs that are not getting met in your marriage. And you will feel very attached to your T because she is providing you with some of those unmet needs. It's like falling in love, or a deep but unrequited love- a most painful thing, but worse somehow in terms of how it feels in therapy. You are not alone- it is heartbreaking, literally. Try to allow all your feelings around your T, and not reject them as "bad." Try to find a way to tell your T, and ask her for advice on if you should tell your wife. It is clear that you want to be able love your wife, from your posts, and that shows what a good man you are! So do not worry or be afraid, what you are experiencing is quite normal, albeit extremely painful.
I hope some if this can help- it's a bit all over the place. Please feel free to ask any questions...I'm not around much, these days, but I will check back in a few days, if not later today.
In the meantime- peace to you,
Blackbird
Ps- This link may help you- it did me when I was at the stage you are at- if not just disregard it:
http://www.guidetopsychology.c...tic_transference.htm
Oh I forgot to add, that the only thing I personally disagree with in this articles, is that the feelings aren't real. I think the feelings are real, because I personally believe that receiving (vulnerable/painful) love is real and powerful- and that in itself has been painful for me- in realizing that my receiving or vulnerable love for my T is not always completely accepted or valued as love. Still one I need to work out somehow with my own T, but that's a pretty deep place, I don't know...
