There is no easy answer when it comes to dealing with transference. It is powerful and painful and can be very helpful or hurtful depending on how it is handled. Not all T's will address it, not all T's can handle it, and judging from a lot of discussions just on this board, very few T's seem to be able to handle it well. After reading many of the discussions about transference here on MyShrink I decided to bring up the subject with my T by first just asking what transference was. This was the only way I could think of to bring it up without tipping my hand about my feelings for her. Her answer helped me to judge whether or not it would be safe to tell her more. Maybe this is the tacit you could try with your marriage T. Doing this in a session without your wife would probably be easier I would think.