quote:

A transferred replay. Dr. X is not my first transference experience but they all ended up being unavailable just like my own dad. Spooky...

Hi Sprinting Gal,
There's actually a really reasonable explanation for why that would keep happening. Below is a passage from The General Theory of Love by Thomas Lewis pg. 160-161 in the paperback edition. (yes, I am obsessed with that book. )

"Zeroing in on how to love goes hand in hand with whom. A baby strives to tune in with his parents, but he cannot judge their goodness. He attaches to whoever is there, with the unconditional fixity we profess to require of later attachments: for better or worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health. Attachment is not a critic; a child adores his mother's face, and he runs to her whether she is pretty or plain. And he prefers the emotional patterns of the family he knows, regardless of its objective merits. As an adult his heart will lean toward these outlines. The closer a potential mate matches his prototypes, the more enticed and entranced he will be -- the more he will feel that here, at last, with this person, he belongs."
[SNIP}
"A relationship that strays from one's prototype is limbically equivalent to isolation. Loneliness outweighs most pain. These two facts collude to produce one of love's common and initially baffling quirks: most people will choose misery with a partner their limbic brain recognizes over the stagnant pleasure of a "nice" relationship with someone their attachment mechanisms cannot detect."

I think one of the main points of therapy is to "re-wire" your limbic brain and attachement mechanisms through your relationship with your therapist so that a healthy relationship, someone who can provide what you need, is "visible" to you and feels like home.

AG