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Reply to "Update on Transference"

Transference can be really scary when you don't know what it is. I have experienced it with many different people in my life but since I am an emotionally restricted person I have always held it in and suffered in silence. I guess I just couldn't let common sense get the best of me. I would always turn the tables on myself, asking if whatever I do and say to them would creep me out. If yes then I seriously held back. So, of course when this happened with my T I was doing everything in my power to suppress it. I almost quit because I just couldn't. It was reading Shrinklady's article that finally clued me in to what was going on then I finally felt comfortable enough to ask my T about it. Her response was very casual but welcoming. "Everybody does it all the time so some degree. Recognizing and owning it is what keeps it in check." She went on to explain that she welcomes in in therapy because of all the stuff that has already been said by AG and JM. Needless to say I was pretty miffed (and still am a little sometimes) that she didn't warn me that this could happen and when it became obvious that is was happening she still didn't say anything. If I hadn't fount SL's article I might still be in the dark.

So, it seems that the two camps like to keep it a secret from us clients to either avoid dealing with it or to encourage it to happen. Either way the client doesn't know which way their T leans until they are already in the thick of it and if their T doesn't "go there" then what? It would be very hard to break the attachment and find a new T. It just doesn't seem fair or helpful. I think though that a T's ability to handle transference well has a lot to do with whether or not they have done their own "work" (therapy) and if they have experienced it for themselves. That is one thing I have learned, the really good T have done their own work and continue to do so. I would be curious to know if SG, AJB, and Charlotte's Ts have ever done their own therapy. You know you can ask them that too. I think is a reasonable question. You wouldn't pay good money for food from a chef who has never tasted their own cooking, right?
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