Hello SprintingGal, ABJ and Charlotte, I want to echo Just Me's comments about challenging your T's responses. An old friend of mine once told me she took her therapy skills to a completely different level because she had had an experienced client who called her on stuff all the time. She is forever grateful for that client she says because she's so much more attuned to her clients today.

What's important of course, is that my friend rose to the challenge...not putting it back on the client.

The kind of responses by your T's don't surprise me. It seems in all your situations, there's an elephant sitting in the room and you are the only one willing to bring it up.

Too many therapists sit safely back with their manualized therapies too afraid to get into the more intense emotional work. They are fine if the client is emotional but oh my goodness, they don't like it when they are being called into working it through or expressing it themselves. (I find it hard myself but I also know it's part of my job.)

That's the sense I got. Your therapists are uncomfortable and are thinking they are not being seen as they try to avoid the obvious.

I'm not blaming them. The profession should be more accountable. Therapy needs to be more collaborative. There are some leaders in the field who are trying by the way...getting therapists to ask for direct feedback after each session. Therapists are encouraged by the way, to get consultation when they are unsure how to proceed with a client. It's a question you can ask.

And, I'll grant you, bringing up relational stuff isn't easy being a client myself. In fact, I was telling my T about your posts and on her suggestion we started talking about our relationship...wouldn't you know it, I got triggered and my mind went swirling...

Maybe with baby steps you can eventually get your therapist on board. Remember, you are the consumer. You're paying for therapy and can bring up what you want. If you have a good connection with your T, it would be worth it to do so...to speak what is there, but not spoken. It's a powerful way to learn.

I'm sure there's lots more to be said on the subject. Take care,

Shrinklady