AG, your last post is an incredibly wonderful revelation! Some of what you describe I have been conscious of and some I haven't but you have described a lot of how I feel way more eloquently than I ever could have!

I am right there with the not wanting to ask for what I need for fear of being refused. I have that problem with everyone, not just my T. My needs were virtually invisible to my parents and as an adult I have heard too many yes's that have never materialized to be able to trust anyone with what I need. I don't ask, I can't ask. It is the hardest thing for me to do. It is hard for me to trust that people ever really mean what they say. Once after she was away on vacation I confessed to my T how much I had missed her. She said she missed me too and I see that as her being emotionally available by expressing her feelings about me. However, even though I honestly don't think she would lie to me I have the hardest time believing it. I guess I can't internalize it. I don't understand how on her vacation she would think of me, actually miss me in some way. She has many clients, I can't believe that she misses us all while she is on vacation!

No, I haven't talked to her about this but I may when she returns from the seeming endless vacation she is on now. These have been the longest two weeks of my life since the last two weeks of my pregnancy five years ago.

(I don't think time has ever moved more slowly than that last month of pregnancy!)