Sarah,
Hang in there. I konw its scary and painful but going back time and again and seeing that the relationship is STILL there despite what happened is what will teach you that some people can be trusted. And that our mattering is inherent, not something bestowed by someone else. You are worthwhile and matter incredibly because you are Sarah. That is something no one can take away; they can convince you to FEEL otherwise, but that don't make it true. Often when people fail us, it has nothing to do with us, its about the other person. It's taken me a long time and a lot of hard work (and incredible patience on the part of two therapists) but I've finally come to understand that the abuse I suffered from my father had NOTHING to do with who I was, it had everything to do with my father's trying (in a pretty poor way) to deal with HIS life. That was difficult to realize because that left me face to face with my own powerlessness to affect what was going on, but in another way its freed me to live my life. Please hang in there, it will get better and as much as it feels like it, you will not always be in pain.

AG