There are a lot of therapists out there who can't deal with transference because they haven't been trained in it, don't have enough experience to deal with it or let the countertransference get the best of them. That's why as a patient you have to be paying attention to what's going on. It's a difficult task to stay emotionally available for a client while maintaining strong boundaries and the necessary detachment to help them. Its much like walking a high wire. In too close, the patient is hurt, out too far, the patient is hurt or at least not helped.

Transference is a very powerful tool for healing in the hands of a therapist who can handle it but can be very painful and possibly re-traumatizing with a therapist who doesn't handle it well.

That's one of the reasons that a T will sometimes refer a case of transference such as happened to you Charlotte. If there is some reason they believe they won't handle it correctly, because of lack of experience or countertransference, then the responsible thing to do is find another T for their client so that they don't hurt them. It's the equilavent of having an issue come up, such as a drug addiction for instance, in which your T has NO experience. They might want to refer you to someone else because they would take better care of you.

In either case, the focus of the therpist should be on the client's well being. But they're human and I imagine being the focus of someone's transference can be pretty flattering, especially if you start to believe that its because of qualtities you possess rather than the result of their being in therapy and acting out their history.

One thing I really appreciated about my T when I told him how I felt was him joking around about all his "good looks and charm" in order to communicate that he really didn't think it was about him.

And SimplyMe I have to ask, if your T didn't terminate you as a patient, what reason did he give for telling you he was attracted to you? If he's going to continue as your therapist it seems he should have kept those feelings to himself. Did he explain why he told you?

AG