Thanks for your words of encouragement.
I had my session last night and it went better. I was able to talk to him. We didn't discuss why I was angry we were able to talk about my anger in general, why I have trouble expressing it? what it would mean if I did? what it would mean if he couldn't deal with it?
As in why I would think he's and asshole and a bad T and go find a better one and why I would make it my fault and proof there was something wrong with me.
Neither of us used the word transference but he pointed out that I approach the relationship with him from the perspective of a child to a parent. You don't get to choose your parent, and you have to make it work at all costs, and if it doesn't it is your fault.
So a good session and my anxiety has dropped some but I imagine I have many more conversations about feelings in my future.
I look forward to the ongoing discussions,