(((((Russ))))).... I'm sorry I really don't know what to tell you except that I can understand how you feel to some degree. I suffer with that awful, suffocating anxiety at times and know how utterly exhausting it can feel and how it just takes over your life. I cannot imagine dealing with it for months at a time. Mine sort of comes and goes depending on the triggers around me. It's been better lately, less intense, less frequent, since I've been in therapy but at times... it's totally overwhelming to the point where I cannot take in any information I am so activated.

I think it was awesome that you contacted your T and asked for the phone call. This is a case of asking for what you need. Unfortunately, most Ts really suck at email. My T can be wonderful in emails or sound horribly dismissive and cold. I think part of it is that they are just not comfortable with the electronic medium and do better face to face. And yes I agree that he could have given you the respect of addressing you by name. My T will often use my name but sometimes he does not and does not even sign his own name LOL. The main thing is that he is there for you when you need him. I would encourage you to take advantage of the phone offer. I think just doing that would be therapeutic for you on it's own.

I was just wondering and I could be very wrong but wanted to throw this out there.... that your inability to tolerate a close intimate relationship could be your way of not allowing yourself to be be happy. To give yourself the permission to go ahead and take that chance to enjoy life and love. I hate seeing you struggle with the horrible head-fog so much because you are such a great guy and truly deserving of happiness.

And, please let me wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY and a day that is hopefully free of anxiety so you can enjoy it. Call your T. You have nothing to lose. Let us know how it goes.

Hug,
TN