quote:My T always says that I can try to "take a break" from the intensity, but I always say that is so hard because I can't un-remember something. Ya know? It is still there and follows me around like my shadow all day long and haunts me like a nightmare all night long
That's it in a nutshell, really is. I have had similar from my T who always wants to give me options along the way, but I tell her I can't put it back now it's out - it's too big anyway to fit back in the box I thought I had it contained in anyway. And you are right - you can't unremember either. And your T is right, you have to get that fine balance between doing the work and it not being so overwhelming as to disrupt everyday life. But that's a hard balance for me, I am impatient with myself, think I should have this sorted by now and give myself an endless hard time, because deep down I know I still am carrying the blame
And thanks for the encouragement all of you, thatthe load gets lighter. If I am rational I know that some of the memories we have finally processed are tolerable and not bothersome any more.....so it can happen and it does work. It's hard to keep a grip sometimes when you're in the midst of it all though isn't it?
TN,I resonate with this
quote:I'm still trying to cram everything back in without looking at it too closely so that I shove the door closed and lock it. It just feels less scary to do that but I realize that I do need to look at the stuff/memories/experiences/pain and grief. Because that is the only way I can put it in it's place so that I can live my life without the anxiety and fear of what's in that closet.
I had shoved everything away so well for so many years, thought my box was watertight. But it's not and slowly but surely it all started to leak out, drop by drop or sometimes in a horrible gush. So I'd shove it all back in and put a patch on the leak and then the time bomb would start ticking until I sprung another leak. This has been going on for many years, with me stubbornly refusing to look at all but the easier contents, but now I know I have to do exactly as you said - face the stuff/memories(and especially)pain and grief before I can ever be free of it. But the work is hard and I admit I am struggling with the enormity of what I have found in my box.
BB thanks for the encouragement - perhaps we can all leave our log cabins and have a party when we reach that summit
starfish