Thanks for the awesome response. I think you're totally right that therapy is an art, and there's very little that's black and white about it. It is totally individual, and it's great that your T understands that adaptability is critical. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm not entirely sure just what flavor of therapy would be best for me. Maybe I won't know until years down the road.
My T isn't the 'blank slate' type by any stretch. I mean, he doesn't self-disclose or make any part of his life or experience part of the therapy, but he's also totally engaged and it's all about conversation. In fact, it's all about me and him, which is the thing that freaks me out. I just want him to "fix" me so I can say, "hey, it's been great. Thanks for fixing my raging psychological problems. Gotta go!" But he's saying it doesn't work that way. I don't like this.
But I would HATE having a classical, psychoanalytical 'blank slate' T who just took notes and never talked and was never engaged. Take one of those, add being a dismissive, non-feeling a-hole and you got my father. Yeah, I'm all set with that.
quote:I always remember you being so pleasant when you were a little girl--you played by yourself for hours quietly
Interesting. Obviously, children sometimes play by themselves, but that doesn't mean they don't want to play with other people, too, especially their parents. Is the assumption that if children want to play with someone they'll ask, otherwise leave them alone? I don't know.
I recently asked my mom what I did all day with her before I went to pre-school and kindergarten. She said, "you would ride on your rocking horse while listening to music, and come on errands with me." I was kind of like, "ok. anything else?" I have pictures of us at the zoo once, but I can't remember playing with my mother. In fact - and I wrote about this before here - I have a memory of my being about 6 and being very upset that I had no one to play trucks with. My mother said, "well, I'll play with you." I remember it feeling very un-natural and un-satisfying and awkward, as if I wanted to say, "I don't want you, I want a friend." At the same time, I had this very sad feeling because I knew my mother was trying her best to play with me, but we just couldn't connect. It's a very, very sad memory for me.
quote:Overall, when you think about it all, it makes sense to custom design the frame rather than have a concrete set of rules.
Perfectly stated. Thanks for your thoughts!
Russ