You are definately not alone. I am in a recovery program right now and the whole idea is that we have to talk in our groups, share, speak out loud in order to heal. Yeah right...I can barely look up off the floor when I'm talking and it takes me ages and ages to trust. And when I post something on here, I usually have to get up and walk away and do something with my kids for at least an hour to avoid deleting it right away b/c I'm so worried what I said will upset someone or sound stupid or whatever. Anyways, not to make it about me, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.
Also, I was thinking about what you said about your time with T eventually being over. I've gone through this before and I spent so much time worrying about that instead of actually working with the time I did have with her to try and heal, that I ended up like a hamster running in one of those balls not getting anywhere.
Something that helped me is to say over and over that I just needed to stay in today...because the truth is, I could not be here tomorrow, T could not be here tomorrow (Sorry if that's triggering) so why was I spending so much time worrying about a day, a month, a year from now? So just take it day by day, work on something small. I hope this was a little helpful. I'm sending some
's.