Hey affinity...

Just thought what I do with my T might help you, when talk g about the stuff you worry they might say something in response that freaks you out - the 'I hope he says something delicate' thing.

One of the fears is that my T who I saw 3 years ago in public practice for an assessment to see if I could join the only therapy group in town, if I met the criteria or not. It as for people with BPD. I was misdiagnosed with that 20 years ago and the 'treatment' only added to my trauma - it is a very very VERY sensitive subject for me.

Anyway, years later and I see my T privately. I finally got up the courage to talk about the outcome of the assessment. When I saw her for it I had had expressed my intense fear of being diagnosed again with it. So she never really told me the results.

I'm still not ready to KNOW exactly what she thought and if she does in fact think I do have BPD. It would be absolutely intolerable to me to know she thought I have it. But I needed to talk to her about my huge fear of what she thought.

So I just emailed her and said I need to talk a out it BUT I did NOT want her to tell me the answer. I wasn't ready for it; I just wanted to let her know it is a huge fear of mine, and it was very important she did not tell me either way.

She respected my boundary. I think in actual fact she really doesn't think I have BPD and I think she felt caught between not being able to tell me either way but wanting to tell me so I'd let go of the fear...

Anyway sorry that was so long. I haven't sleep hardly at all and can't think straight. I just think it would be perfectly ok to talk to him but make it very very clear you do NOT want him to say either way whether or not he does or does not have any sexual feelings for you. Just to out it out there, and even if that's all you say for now, if it's too scary ... It's a start huh.

I also agree with the person who said it doesn't actually matter if he does or doesn't - YOUR PERCEPTION is what counts; YOUR feelings, and how you deal with them or make sense of them.

I dint read the article but for what people have said I think it's one idea - it might or might not be true for you or me or all people; nor does it mean it is or isn't like that for you RIGHT NOW.

ie it might be more fluid, less black or white and might or might not apply to you (or me or Sally or joe).