Thanks for the article, I thought there was a lot of good stuff in there. Some of it was stated in such a clinical and detached tone that it was hard not to hear it in a pejorative way, but upon reflection I did think it identified a lot of the dynamics I unearthed in myself in working through these feelings. (Just wish there had been more compassion shown, but I am also aware that this was written by a professional for other professionals). Really appreciate you posting it though.
Affinity,
I think you have been very courageous in discussing this with your therapist and I understand your need to talk about these feeling and sort through what is going on. I returned to the topic again and again in my work, and part of what I think is useful in looking at it, is to examine your feelings and your T's. I agree with BLT, that ultimately our focus needs to be on our feelings, but part of what we are trying to figure out is what comes from us and what comes from them and an important part of that process is that in therapy we have a chance to safely check in with another person and ask. It makes the process of figuring out what is ours much easier (which is not to say easy or painless mind you, just closer to possible.
)I think you're doing good work, just keep talking. Especially as I think that while you can make generalizations about ET and what might be involved, like the article BLT linked to, I think that what is actually involved for any particular person is going to be unique to them. While I saw a lot of my own dynamics in that article, some of them really did not apply to me. So I think you working through this and coming to your own understanding is really important work.
And last but not least, no matter how your therapist feels about you, I can't imagine that it isn't a little flattering at least, especially for a much older therapist to have a younger woman tell him that they find him attractive. I know BN told me he was flattered, but has also made it clear on a number of occasions that he knows it's not good, or realistic, for him to think "hey, it must be because I'm so wonderful." He gets that the setup of therapy contributes to these feelings. I think he doesn't take my feelings of attraction any more personally then my fears of abandonment or anger at his holding his boundaries. Ironically, the only time I have seen him grow uncomfortable on the topic was the time that he was acknowledging that there was a "here and now" component to my attraction for him. Based on things said then, and at other times, I'm not sure his self-image includes seeing himself as attractive. I know it sounds terrible, but it was a relief to see him as the embarrassed one for once.
AG