HIC -

I don't know if I think there is a true 'projection'. A projection I thought I was putting my feelings on someone else. A perception on the other hand could be accurate or inaccurate. In my non-therapy life I generally trust my perceptions but will check myself if maybe it's a projection. I'm pretty direct - so I tend to ask and I don't think I, or the people I relate with in my daily life project much. And I agree it would be a crappy way to live being so unsure of what is 'real'. I think a lot of people who project naturally would never think to think about it so for them it is perception.

For example, I was on a date the other night and she was uncomfortable about a place where we were going. I perceived she was - but I also know I tend to take care of people so I'll Assume some sort of need. So I asked her... I am worried you're uncomfortable? Are you? And yes, she was.

In therapy... I'm more apt to check of something is a projection ... By asking. Or I try to think about myself... I am convinced my T is mad.,, what do *i* feel rather than what so I think someone else feels? If I feel ashamed, scared, triggered.. Then I may be assuming. Actually, I guess my default is that I can't imagine how someone may be feeling - I can get a perception I figure is accurate - but cannot know unless I ask.

As far as attraction goes... Given how one sided the T relationship is... I am more apt to assume it's the client having a fantasy. I think it's easy to be profoundly convinced the fantasy must absolutely be real because I have my own fantasies and made up stuff about my T that I've held on to for years (negative transference but transference none the less). I feel I've never been more blatantly delusional and apt to assume the other person must feel xyz about me than in therapy. For some reason with my therapist I've been convinced that it has to be oh so true because in my parental relationshis as a young child... What they said became my truth. They told me I was bad therefore I'd assume I was bad and everyone must have thought that. But again... Can't know unless you ask. I know it's not terribly popular thoughts I have but.,. I tend to take most "my T feels _____" with a grain of salt unless someone asks them.

I don't mean to invalidate anyone or insult what someone heartfeltly believes without asking the person who they've given the feelings to.