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Trust and boundaries and attraction. It's also delicate and maybe the thought of that beauty being violated by inept handling is scarier than it not being there, which is also scary if you half think it is and half want it to be.

This. All of this.

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Do you think it's BECAUSE you know nothing will ever happen with your T; that he won't EVER act out in a sexual way with you, that that means you feel safe enough to have the fantasies?

That's a possibility.

I follow AG's blog regularly and have read all of her stuff on transference. I occasionally go back and reread it. It has been massively helpful to me. I think the difference in our situations is that she's never sensed any sort of attraction on her T's part, while my T's affection is obvious and occasionally spoken. Both situations are complicated in their own way.

I have discussed ET with my T several times. For a while, it was coming up about every 3rd session. These feelings have been very difficult to deal with, so it was either discuss or go nuts. I thought the shame would kill me at first, but it got better.

When I indicated that the fantasies were becoming obsessive and intrusive, my T wrote this little prayer on the back of his card. He said reciting it would break the thought cycle. I keep it taped to my computer screen at work and glance at it whenever the fantasies become distracting. It does help. I guess the thing that makes me feel good is knowing that my T wants to help me manage this stuff and not encourage or exploit it.