Hey Affinity,

Wow, I've been having a lot of the same thoughts and feelings lately, but about my friend, not a T.

For me, it's scary to accept the perception as reality, not just because there is at least some level of "danger" if it's accurate, but because it would be rather humiliating to be wrong!

It's one thing to feel safe in a relationship in which there is no libido to be safe from. That's a good feeling of it's own-- comfortable and cozy, but safety-within-chemistry is altogether different. It's deeply re-enforcing to have one's attractiveness affirmed by someone who cares too much about you (and himself) to either act on that inappropriately or to run screaming because oh-my-gosh-what-if-we-had-an-affair. I really believe people can control themselves, but there is a bit more zing to life when there is something to control!

It's not a balance everyone can maintain, but there is something beautiful in-- oh, I don't know, getting it exactly right. Trust and boundaries and attraction. It's also delicate and maybe the thought of that beauty being violated by inept handling is scarier than it not being there, which is also scary if you half think it is and half want it to be.