I'm trying to think what I mean...do I mean that I wanted my T to "do it for me?" That is what he would say...
I think I wanted him to be a much stronger *encouragement* to me. To really push me, instead of sitting there being like, oh, you are in pain, and I care about that, and stuff like that. Some of that was good- but- Does that make sense? I wanted him to say things really directly to me. To tell me "BB, I *know* this is hard, but you simply need to do this for yourself and for your family. I am going to hold you accountable for the changes you want to make. I'll be checking in with you *every* session on how much you have been drinking and whether you were taking your pills or not." He was never consistent, he just didn't care enough to track my progress and keep track of what was going on for me. Even when I *told* him that I specifically wanted him to kick my butt. To care enough about me to keep track of me, and check back with me on stuff. Was I expecting too much? We always got off onto these philosophical tangents about what his care meant, and stuff like that...or why I couldn't ask for what I need...or why I couldn't open up to him and trust him...meanwhile, the basics were not even in place. I'm really trying to figure out why my therapy failed. I know T thinks it is my fault.