Oh, no- my question was to you too, DF, in fact I was thinking about the food thing as was writing it, and was going back to edit and put your name in too!
So what you are saying is, the goal isn't to mask the pain with something else but learn to be able to tolerate it...but- I'm a weakling..I feel like I have to somehow lift this huge 200 pound weight when I literally only have the muscle for, like- a one pound weight. It takes so long to make any headway like that and by the time I do make a little I've pretty much given up in despair again, because by then the feelings are getting pretty intolerable again. you know how when people get stuck in the snow or mud, and they keep revving their engine and revving and trying to get over that hump, but they keep just digging in deeper..eventually they need to literally find something bigger like a tractor to *pull* the vehicle out of the hole they've created. I kinda feel like that. T was supposed to be my tractor, but...he just wasn't very tractor-ish.