I've been reading this forum for over a year now, often wanting to post but not sure if I could really contribute or not.
This thread urged me to reply. I grew up in a similar environment: my father was an alcoholic and died as a result when I was seven years old. My mother also turned to alcoholism, especially after his death and went through a number of health issues as a result.
Since I was five years old I've had strong, painful attachments to certain female figures--often teachers, and now my T.
Until very recently, I didn't consider my childhood to be "a big deal" or to have affected me so profoundly. Yes, my parents were alcoholics, but they (namely my mom) were still there as parents. She still took care of me, was loving, etc. But I always felt like I was taking care of her. I was constantly worried about everything, about her dying, about finances, etc. And I can't distance myself from that anxiety and fear even now that I've moved out and my mom is sober. I don't feel my emotions. I'm just numbed out and resoundingly empty.