Yes, JM... it is hard for me to even think of the "destined to lose" part. The thought of eventual termination freaks me out so much I cannot even read about it in a book. Guess that means I'm no where near ready for it I have told my T about my fears and he understands. He told me that I am always welcome to come back and that he door is always open to me. I told him that when the time comes I hope to be able to handle it but until then I cannot even think about it. He just means too much to me and has had such an impact on my life that I find it hard to contemplate a life without him in it. Therapy can be so hard sometimes.

TN