GG, hoping you can hold on to what you saw through your husband's validation: this is not something wrong with you, this is some rather odd issue or complex of issues of the T's that she is failing to keep out of the therapy space.

On the issue of her knickers, we know for sure that she is doing this to ALL her clients. And remember what the professional in you knows: it's simply inappropriate. She dresses in those clothes all day and (it seems like) every day. She will have many other clients whose sexual orientation allows them to be attracted to her, or whose experience of transference has them attracted to her. She will have hetero or bi male clients, lesbian and bi women clients. She very likely has a number of clients who have sexual abuse, exploitation, or assault backgrounds, or body image issues, or other issues that would be triggered by this. What she's doing with her dress will be creating confusion, upset and worry for quite a few of those clients - maybe even a majority.

So the feelings that there's something wrong with you, in response to her odd and erratic responsiveness (the knickers are just one part of that), are understandable, but they are about the past. The truth of the current situation is that there is something very strongly going on with her, and I believe it is playing out in all kinds of mixed messages, including that crazy-making switch of responses about the held cheque.

I can see that there are two tracks to your response to her, and it makes a lot of sense. On the one hand you can see she's got some issues and limitations and you are pulling away from her at a pace that feels right for you. I fully applaud this. On the other hand you're feeling all the rejection, rage and powerlessness of the past, because this is such a close echo and feels like a really exploitative and unsafe situation. I hope you can allow these two 'parts' of you to communicate with one another, offer comfort and reassurance in one direction and valuable information in the other. You're doing great.

Take care.