((((Smiley))))
oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are so freake dout. Try to take some deep breaths and just take this one moment at a time. I am so glad you posted about this instead of keeping it all inside. That was a big thing to say, and I can understand why you are scared and freaked out. However, what you did was amazing and a wonderful thing to do and that you don't have anything to be afraid of about telling her. I want to say I totally understand and validate the fear (I have been there myself) but I also very much do believe it really is going to be ok and that you did a really good thing.

She checked to see if you are safe, you assured her that you are - so she's not going to do anything else in terms of sending you to a hospital or anything like that. You did share with her something that is vulnerable to share, and whenever I do that, I tend to feel really scared and nervous afterwards - but it's gonna be ok.

You did not make a mistake at all. I know it's hard to let your T know this part of the pain you have been through - I understand that way too well as I struggle with it myself. But it is going to help. It is really good you told her. It's not too much for her to handle, it's not too much for you to share at all.

If your T shared it with your partner without your consent - or shared it with anyone at all - without your consent, your T would be in violation of HIPAA regs in a major way (litterally criminal). The only times a T can share stuff without consent is in the case of immenient pending danger (which you already assured her you are safe) to you or someone else, or in the case of a child or ederly person being abused. EVEN in those cases, your T would work with you, and I can't imagine her ever just contacting your partner without especially working with you about it.

If you had more time in the session, I am pretty sure she would have been able to reassure you of this herself right then and there. Your fears are normal to have and Ts are even required when we first go to them for therapy to tell us about these confidentiality rules - because most clients have concerns about this so it's really understandable what you are feeling, and what you told her is very confidential and very safe. In order for her to break that confidentiality, you would have to be like about to act on those thoughts and in that case, she would call for a welfare check, not your partner - and she would tell you. So you are safe. What you told your T is safe and confidential and protected by some pretty stong confidentiality laws.

Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you did a really good thing by telling her. I'm really ecouraged that you did. Really. It takes guts and it opens up the door for help and healing - and it is a door you are in control of. If you don't want to talk about it, then it's ok. It's not like you gave up your right to not have to talk about it too. (Does this make sense?)

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to say... If any of it misses the mark of where you are at, just please ignore. Be as kind to you as you can, you did a really good thing. I am sure of that. Not a mistake at all.

~jd