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Reply to "Feels like lying"

I can relate to this too. I decompensate very badly and have had to be hospitalized after 3 different major admissions to my T. I know with absolution the things I remember - as a theme at least - are real. Sometimes I do feel manipulative. I am lucky to have a T who loves and compassionately cares no matter how I'm feeling or what I'm talking about. It helps with knowing I'm not being manipulative necessarily because I "get" nothing different or a subconscious reward.
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